When forgiveness is hard

I am often asked how to forgive someone who has caused you tears and pain and my answer is always the same:

Ephesians 4:32. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I’m not saying it’s a walk in the park especially when they did things that have caused you tremendous pain but it is a process that you need to decide on taking.

A good starting point is breathing how the Lord has forgiven us in spite of everything we’ve done, how He’s been graciously dealing with our shortcomings while waiting for us to fully repent with a contrite heart and being aware of how He has blessed us with things we don’t deserve. Knowing these would make us fall on our knees and would make us desire to obey Him, to show Him we truly love Him.

My daily bible reading brought me to a very famous scene that everyone must have been familiar with. The moment when Jesus was arrested where I came across three men that convinced me that Jesus didn't just command us to love and to forgive those who have caused us offense but He modeled it perfectly.

Judas. He was part of the 12 disciples of Jesus and was their treasurer. He decided to betray Jesus in exchange for 30 silver coins. His sign to the arresting troops of who to arrest was through a kiss.

Now His betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “Whomever I kiss, He is the One; seize Him.” Immediately he went up to Jesus and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed Him. Matthew 26:48-49

A kiss is a sign used by the disciples to their beloved Master. The same kiss Judas used to betray his beloved Master.

What amazes me was how Jesus responded; found in verse 50,

But Jesus said to him, “Friend, why have you come?”.

Despite Jesus knowing his betrayal, He still called him friend.

Peter. A fisherman who Jesus called to be one of His disciples. We're all acquainted with Peter's downfall when he claimed something he couldn't deliver.

Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.”

Peter said to Him, “Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!” -Matthew 26:34-35

At a glance, Peter appeared as if he'd really stand with Jesus until the end when he cut the ear of the servant of the high priest when they tried to arrest Him. But if you'll look deeper, many commentators believe that Peter must have been trying to prove Jesus what he said about not denying Him that’s why he did it.

But Jesus stopped him and the bloodshed that would take place if he'd continue. He cared for Peter even if He knew he’d deny Him moments later.

You might say that with Judas and Peter, forgiveness is still easy because they had close knit relationships being His disciples.

It's different with our last character, Malchus. He was a servant AKA representative of Caiaphas the high priest. His assignment that day was to make sure that Jesus would be arrested successfully. And then Peter cut his ear.

Luke 22:51 But Jesus answered and said, “Permit even this.” And He touched his ear and healed him.

In a moment of His own dilemma, full of love and compassion, He touched and put back Malchus’ right ear.

It fascinates me knowing it was Jesus’ final miracle of healing prior to His crucifixion and He chose to perform it for someone who came to arrest Him, for someone who chose to refuse to hear all the good things He’s done in His 3 years of ministry on Earth.

In a direful situation, He chose to show love towards an enemy.

To sum it all up,

Jesus still considered Judas a friend despite knowing his betrayal with a kiss in exchange of money.

Jesus still cared about Peter and stopped him from making worst things that would result to bloodshed and his own arrest despite knowing he’d deny Him, not once but thrice.

Jesus still touched and healed Malchus despite his loyalty on people who despised Him.

It doesn’t say what happens to Malchus after that incident because he was not mentioned again in the bible but many scholars believed that he became a follower of Jesus. Imagine having an ear cut off and was put back and touched by Someone you opposed. Would it not cause him to fall on his knees and have a transformed life?

You and I are Judas, we betray God when we choose our own selfish desires over Him.

You and I are Peter, we try to prove our worth to be loved and accepted when in fact we are already loved. We also deny knowing Him when we live a life contrary to what He wants for us.

You and I are Malchus, we’ve been loyal to Jesus’ enemy.

AND YET, We are loved, forgiven, chosen and considered worthy to be the reason for His death on the cross. Judas, Peter, Malchus, you and I are the reasons for all the slaps, spits, bruises, blood, sweat and piercing on His hands and feet.

He is madly in love with you. Do you love Him? I bet we’ll all say Yes!

But John 14:21 says,

“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

Jesus’ love language, if He has one, is Obedience.

He commanded us to love our enemies, to forgive those who have hurt us and to pray for those who persecute us.

Have we been keeping those commands?

Are there Judas, Peter and Malchus in your life whom you need to forgive?

Here are some practical ways on how to do so:

1. Accept and embrace Jesus’ forgiveness.

2. Recognize who have hurt you and why you’d been hurt. Check your own heart.

3. Bear in mind that we’re all imperfect human and we live in a broken world where conflicts are inevitable.

4. Make a decision to forgive. NO MATTER WHAT. Your forgiveness should not depend on other party's response.

5. Tell the person the offense as soon as possible (ask God for wisdom for the right time).

6. Pray for a heart like Jesus.

When it's hard to do so, look to the Cross and remember that, one way or another, you are Judas, Peter and Malchus, and we hanged Jesus there.

"The greater our knowledge of the grace and forgiveness of God, the more likely we'd want to make Him smile."