Inseparable

“Marriage is not maintenance-free — the more you invest, the stronger it becomes.”- Unknown

Our Inseparable Couples’ retreat was supposed to happen in May but we had to move it because we couldn’t find a cheap venue that would fit our budget. But because of our head coordinators’ fervent prayers and perseverance, we were directed to Hamayou Resort in Yamanashi.

Being married for 5 years and 2 months, we had our fair share of struggles and misunderstandings but I realized that we are beyond blessed because Romel and I met when we're already both believers. Our marriage hasn’t gone through the common things other couples in the retreat have gone through; all by the grace of God and the godly wisdom from our mentors and elders He surrounds us with.

There were so many things to glean from our speakers but what spoke to me the most was when Ms Camille Pratts Yambao shared how the Lord spoke to her heart to step back so her husband can step up and be the leader He has designed him to be.

If she’s willing to surrender her career as an actress, something she’s been doing all her life just to pave the way for her husband to grow more, how about me? What is more important than my husband that I am not willing to let go that’s being a blockage for him not to reach his full potential?

Is it my “OCD tendencies” which oftentimes becomes the reason for my husband to not learn from his own mistakes because I don’t allow him to make one?

Is it my high standard of his preaching/teaching and my strict grammar check?

Or my being overly responsible manager of our finances?

“You’d been praying for your husband to change but you are blocking the way for him to be changed”- this was God’s gentle rebuke which made me cry.

For 5 years, I used to pray, “Lord, change my husband.” I've been wanting God to fix him, his habits, his attitude and his flaws. In my mind, I was thinking that if God would change him, our marriage would become easier.

But through Ms. Camille’s testimony, God gently revealed to me that "the real change needs to start in me"

So my prayer began to shift:

From “Lord, change him" to "Lord, change me".

I started asking God to make me more patient, to love the way He loves, to listen more and react less, to honor and not to control and most especially, to teach me to speak life, not criticism.

I wonder what would change in our marriages if all wives would pray:

"Change me, Lord so that I can be the wife You’ve called me to be and the helper my husband needs me to be.”

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all on us but it's about taking responsibility for things we can control like our responses, words, tone, attitude, and our own hearts.

I still pray for my husband everyday but now, I pray for myself more and it makes a huge difference.

Let me give you a glimpse of the gold and enriching learnings we've had during the 3-day retreat.

Day 1

God’s design

Mr. Bearwin and Ms. Lara Meily talked about the leave, cleave and weave principle in marriage as commanded in Genesis 2:24. Like any other invention, if we won't follow the manufacturer’s manual, it will be broken and you won’t enjoy its full benefits. Likewise in marriage, we should follow God's blueprint as the author of marriage.

We were also reminded that as we draw near to God, we will be drawn closer to each other.

Ms. Lara's testimony also caused everyone's eyes to sweat.

Roles of husbands and wives

Mr. VJ and Ms. Camille Yambao discussed simultaneously about our distinct roles. Because of Eve’s disobedience and Adam’s silence while being tempted by the serpent, women are cursed to try to snatch the roles that belong to the husbands.

Embracing our God-given roles is the antidote for the curse and it will start with Prayer.

A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones- Proverbs 12:4

You can be a cancer to the bone or you can be a crown. You choose.

As a first hand witness of my sister's transformation that really helped my brother in law to embrace his calling, I'm so blessed to hear their testimony.

Resolving conflict

Be it in a household of ordinary couples or Mr. VJ and Ms. Camille's, conflict will always be present so we have to learn how to resolve it God's way, not our way. It means praying together, speaking the truth in love and remembering that your spouse is not your enemy and that you are on the same team.

With Christ at the center, conflicts can become opportunities for deeper understanding and a stronger bond that reflects God’s love to the world.

Proud of Levi and Aki Delgado too for sharing their testimony.

Day 2

Forgiveness

Our beloved ate Dawn's testimony of choosing to forgive her then unfaithful and irresponsible husband, Ptr. Danny Urquico never grows old.

As I listened, something shifted in my heart. God whispered, “nothing is beyond My power to heal.”

Forgiveness isn’t easy because it confronts our deepest wounds. Many times, we say, “I can’t forgive,” because the pain feels too big and the offender too undeserving. But her testimony opened my eyes that forgiveness is not about the size of the offense, but the size of God’s grace that we first received. (So Michelle, we forgive you too wherever you are! lol)

Tearing our "I forgive you" and "I'm sorry"list was so liberating because it's a symbol of letting go and not carrying what was never meant to be a permanent baggage in our marriages, thus, making space for something far more beautiful: peace and hope of a brand new start.

Intimacy

This was everyone's favorite topic. For too long, the topic of intimacy has been treated as something awkward or off-limits in most churches, (except in CCF).

Ms. Dawn discussed Intimacy within marriage as a beautiful picture of covenant, oneness and love. We were reminded that when we make sure that we enjoy God's gift, we strengthen marriages and protect purity, thus, making our marriages thrive more.

Special night

It was indeed a special night. Seeing my husband waiting for me as I walked in the aisle and being carried while wearing an off-shoulder dress, being able to utter an updated wedding vow, the cake, the wine, the ring, the kiss... It was so magical.

There were more than 35 couples but it was as if, only Romel and I, with Ptr Alex officiating it with a beautiful song being sang in the background who were there.

That renewal of vow is not simply a part of the program. It is about choosing each other again. Choosing love over pride, choosing to value our spouse more than our own selfish desires.

Despite the battles faced, the tears shed, the shortcomings, and the moments many almost questioned if we married the right one, we were reminded of the grace that carried us and the Love greater than ours that held us together. -God's love.

That night we declared:

“Five years after, I still choose you. I will keep choosing you. And together, we will choose and chase Jesus.”

Day 3

Communication and Love language

Healthy marriages are not built on love alone, but on love that is communicated, and understood. Many couples love each other deeply, yet still feel distant because the language of love is not being spoken in a way the other person can receive.

We were reminded by the real talk and funny teaching of our dear Ptr. Alex "Cojuangco" (if you know, you know! lol!) and Dra May Marcos that communication is not about winning arguments but about winning each other’s hearts everyday.

Godly legacy

Ptr. Danny talked about it with so much passion and genuineness despite of what he'd been through that made us believe that we may not come from a good family but we have hope that a good family can still come out of us.

This topic triggered something in me. I felt a sharp ache bloom in my chest, as the memory of my miscarriage brushed against my heart once more. The enemy shouted "you don't have a child that you can slowly pass a legacy on."

But then my faithful God comforted me in a very unexpected way.

We were saying our "goodbyes" after we ate dinner with the volunteers and the speakers before heading home.

"You two did great! otsukare!"- I uttered this phrase to honor Arra and Joanna, the head volunteers who sweated blood for the event to happen.

"Produktong Cindy kami"- they both exclaimed!

Right there and then, the Lord spoke to me and said "you may not have your own child yet but your faithfulness has given birth to this in ways you don't see". (I was their first Dgroup leader from years ago).

He didn't stop there, while on the road, I asked our tech guy, Kyth "Kamusta naman Dgroup nyo nila Levi?" he said "sobrang naiinspire ako kay Kuya Levi, yung testimony nila, and yung improvement nya sa mga discussions namin nakakatuwa".

The Lord whispered in my heart "Your sacrifices to disciple his wife and walk with them with Romel help them to be where they are now and even their downlines".

A godly legacy is about passing on a faith that will outlive us be it in our children, our relationships, the people God has entrusted to us and the generations that follow.

My desire is when people look back, may they say, “Because of them and what they did, I saw Jesus.”

 Joshua 24:15 captures my prayer for us; with or without a biological child, I declare: “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” 

No matter how many letters I type on this page to summarize the whole experience, I will fail because this retreat is nothing but a God-orchestrated moment crafted with pure love beyond I could ever fully describe.

Indeed, some things are best experienced more than explained.

What made it so special are the tired but joyful hands and faithful hearts of the volunteers who willingly sacrificed their time, talent and energy to pull off this event. It was not easy and they could have complained and grumbled but when asked, they’d always say “kaya pa”, “konti na lang”, “itatawid tayo ni Lord”…

Let me say this our awesome POCs, my beshies Jerald and Mich and volunteers,

"Your works in the Lord is never in vain".

In fact, in God's amazing way, He's already showing us the fruit of your sleepless nights by proving to us that His love and His words are borderless.

The marriages of 4 Japanese, 3 Americans and bunch of Filipinos are forever changed because of the anointed testimonies and teachings of our amazing speakers that came into fruition because you said "yes!". What a beautiful picture of Philippians 2:10-11,

"that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

 “Marriage is not maintenance-free — the more you invest, the stronger it becomes.”

I encourage you, married couples who have attended the retreat to really live out what we've learned and experience a stronger bond with your spouse and to you, who haven't, I dare you to invest in your marriage in the next retreat so you too, can have a marriage that is truly Inseparable.

Our selfless speakers and facilitators:

So blessed also that our couples Dgroup is almost complete and we learned together.

Shoutout also to Table number 4 and our facilitators.

Some of my favorite pictures

Photo credits: Caven Alferez, Jane Gonzales and Paul Koyama