A Relationship like Vday everyday

Marriage doesn’t take two people, it actually takes three.

"God at the center is the One who holds everything together"

Whilst God can make our marriages wonderful, we ought to do our part by laying our own bricks. So here I am while waiting for my next class, since it's Valentines Day, I thought of sharing some things that have helped our marriage to not just strive but to thrive.

(Disclaimer: We've only been married for 3 years and 7 months so I'm not an expert and I know we have a long way to go but so far, these things have been working.)

1. Know and Satisfy your spouse's love language.

Growing up with my grandmother who spoiled us and living with my sister in Japan for 5 years who does all the cooking, it was a big challenge for me to be the overall in-charge in the kitchen since my husband is a certified food lover. But knowing that he loves eating, I have to exert effort watching on Youtube, asking my sister for recipes and saving recipes I used that he likes just so I can cook them again that I know he’ll enjoy. I have also committed to prepare his lunch the day before so he doesn’t need to worry about his food while I’m at work.

So you see, the saying “a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is really true. When asked what he appreciates about me, he’d always share about me cooking for him. It’s a big adjustment for me since I’m also working full time and I got many things on my plate but since service (or food) is one of his love languages, I have decided to serve him through cooking even if it means sacrificing my rest because in the first place, that’s what true love is. IT’S SACRIFICIAL.

Do you know your spouse's/ partner's love language or how he/she feel most loved and valued?

2. Enter your spouse’s world.

One of the reasons why many marriages fail is because some don’t realize the need to support their spouses’ hobbies especially those things that they don’t like.

My husband likes camping, hiking/ jogging, he’s a certified “plantito”, an adventurer and likes watching Netflix. On contrary, I hate camping and hiking, I got nothing to do with plants, I am an introvert who’d rather stay at home and I fall asleep easily while watching at home. (I’m a sleepyhead ). Though I don’t like those things, I decided to enter his world because I get to support what he wants and I am pushing him to be the best person he can be. In return, he feels being supported and valued, thus encouraging him to be more loving ❤ Talk about win-win situation!

3. Do devotions together.

Two imperfect people from two different family backgrounds living inside a house is a sure chaos apart from God’s intervention. That’s why we make sure to prioritize communing with God day by day. At times, when I don’t feel like submitting to him and times when he doesn’t feel like loving me, God’s Words rebuke us and that makes all the difference.

To the singles reading this, wait for someone who will seek and obey God with you. 😇 It may take time but IT’S WORTH IT. ❤

4. Have "Accountability day".

Some marriages just fall off the cliff because of hurts that are kept hidden from each other. They just swallow each other’s mistakes and shortcomings without telling their spouse, hence, hindering one from changing. That’s why we decided to set aside a day in a week where we can do our accountability and to share two or three things we did for each other that we appreciate and bring to light instances where I felt unloved/ he felt disrespected or dishonored. In that way, we are able to encourage, apologize and help each other change by answering the magic question “how can I improve this week?”. It takes a safe venue to speak up and humble hearts to be open to each other. Communication is the key! ❤️  

5. Surprise your spouse with or without special occasions

Surprises aren’t just meant for special occasions. In fact, you can decide to make a simple day a special one by being appreciative even in “small, mundane and usual” things your spouse does for you. It doesn’t have to be expensive as well, it just needs to come with the right and genuine words to convey your feelings towards him/her. ❤️ Being creative with sticky note is a great way to start.

6. No separate accounts

This one may be controversial but no offense intended. When a man and a woman get marry, they will become one -their spirits, bodies, last names, etc. Question is; is money supposed to be not included? 🤔 I think one huge reason why marriages collapse is because of how money issues divide them. That’s why even prior to our wedding, we have decided to be transparent about it, he no longer has his own money nor do I have mine. We only have OURS. If I need to help my family, I just need to tell him and vice versa. No secrets. We’ll not allow money to control us, instead, we control our money.

7. Be crazy together

Nothing beats being with someone who can be with you in facing life’s ups and downs and at the same time being equally crazy with you to lighten up the day. I specifically prayed for someone who has sense of humor and God answered when He gave me my crazy husband whom I can be silly with any time of the day 😃 One silliness a day, keeps the “away” (fight) away.

To all the singles, I encourage you to make your negotiable and non negotiable list for your future spouse and you’ll be amazed with how personal our God is.

8. Increase your appreciation and lower your expectation.

We can always find something wrong and negative with our spouses especially if that’s where our focus is. I wonder what’s gonna happen if instead of being like a fly (langaw) that keeps on flying overhead dead animals or garbage, we’ll be like honeybees looking only for sweet nectar.

I have proven this to be true because I used to be mad at Romel because of the things I don’t like and I’d been using negative words, but one day, the Lord talked to me in my devotion and He impressed upon me to be positive in my words towards my husband and lo and behold, he’s never been the same after. He said it means a lot to him to be told that I am praying for him and that I believe he can change. Wives, be like flies or be like bees...your choice!

"Marriage cannot thrive on left-over attention, it has to get your best effort."-Ngine Otiende

In God's hand, the ordinary becomes extraordinary. Likewise, your ordinary marriage will be extraordinary with God, not just being in it, but being the center of it.

So your best effort plus God in the center equate to a relationship like Vday everyday.

Do you have something to add that has worked in your marriage? Share it to us!