A love letter

“Iniwan mo ko, hindi ka totoo! Hirap na hirap na’ko!” (You left me! You can’t be true! I can’t do it anymore)—these were the exact words I uttered in the middle of my sobbing, confusion and my lament when a terrible reality hit my world. All my hopes decayed and I suddenly felt that my life and everything I believed in was just a joke.

Imagine building your life and dreams towards something made of lies and deception. And the saddest part was, you were not aware. We were already planning our garden wedding only to find out that marrying my then-fiancé would be next to impossible. Imagine serving God through teaching the Bible to single women literally almost every day believing that when you do, you will gain favor and He’ll give you what you eagerly desire. Imagine how hard it was for the faith you passionately professed was tested.

How come the Lord who I claim to be faithful and loving let me down by not protecting me from harm? How come even if I was consistently reading the Bible and journaling my learning, I was put in a situation where I was left with more questions than answers?

To make my dilemma worst, I didn’t think anyone would understand what I was going through fully, nobody would.

Because I doubted my faith, I stopped reading the Bible, stopped praying and allowed myself to sulk in pain and be swallowed by the darkness that was hovering over me. I literally was in the dark as I shut people out. I was in so much pain that all I could do was just sob and wish for the pain to go away. Out of shame that someone would hear how my sobbing turned to wailing in my room, I played a song from my Youtube playlist. "Safe"

[Bridge]

You are never far away

Always reaching out to save

My weakness covered by Your strength

And I am found forever safe

You are never far away

Always reaching out to save

My weakness covered by Your strength

And I am found forever safe

It spoke to my soul. "You are never far away.." Even in the midst of my pain and suffering, He is never far away. I went away but He never moved an inch. Still sobbing, I got my journal and turned the page towards the last time I wrote an entry there. I turned one page, two, three pages back, and to my amazement, I felt His comfort and the very words I have written were meant to make me strong.

He was preparing me all along. I cried and I said, "sorry Lord, I didn't know".

Since then, I have worked towards doing my QT every day. Not because He needs it but I NEED IT AND IT WAS WHAT GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO GO ON WHEN I WAS AT THE VERGE OF GIVING UP.

Journaling or doing my Quiet Time has helped me pause, reflect and really process God's Words and how I can apply them. I find it more effective than just reading the Word passively.

It is not as complicated as you think. At times, I would just play my Christian song playlist, read the Bible and just write a Love letter to my Lover. Some days, I'd just write list of things I'm believing Him for. When I am wearing my geek hat and feel like studying Greek words and all, I take time scavenging through commentaries of known preachers.

They say "the beginning is always the hardest. "

So let me walk you through the first few steps.

1. Prepare to start. Buy a cute notebook and your favorite pen that are handy.

2. Choose a time when you're not busy and when you can be consistent. Ideally, it's done daily but let's face it, it's not easy and there will be days when you'll dread doing it. So if you're just starting, don't be too hard on yourself, do it 3x a week, every other day or even just 1 day in a week and be consistent.

3. Write short. You can choose just a short encouraging verse from a Bible app, write what you understood and how to apply it and end with a short prayer.

4. Be creative. You might want to doodle, color, draw or whatever that would make it enjoyable for you. Remember, you have to enjoy it! Studying isn't always fun, right?

5. Just do it! And see for yourself how talking to the One who loves you so much would impact your life.

Craig Groeschel asked in one of his sermons, "Based on what you want to become, what's one habit you need to start?"

If you want to become more intimate with God, try writing Him Love Letters, not to make Him fall in love with you, He already is in love with you. But for you to fall in love with Him. More and More.

Would you write Him a Love letter? Let me know if you have decided to take one step.

Special thanks to Ms. Hydee Cunanan for letting me use her very artistic QTs and to one of my readers, Ms. Dianne for inspiring me to write about this.